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My mother fancies a Mini Cooper, but at 80, is this a wise move ?

Hi,

She is OK in her current Rover 200Sli thing, toodling about to bowls matches and luncheon clubs etc, but is a nightmare with my Pontiac Transam.

I worry a bit with this hankering for something a bit whizzy.

Fair play to ma, and it would stop her from reversing into things in car-parks.

So should I let an 80 yr old dodgy driver loose on the roads ?

I can't really stop her, and she has even looked at the Lotus range.

Some devil has got inside her, so what would you advise ?

Bob

Hi

If she were my Mother, I wouldn't want her driving at all, she doesn't sound safe, why don't you offer to drive her around? or get her to take an eye test and do all the tests that we have had to do, when your mother first starting driving, anyone could get in a car and drive it, there were no traffic lights or road signs, and not Much traffic on the roads, the chances are she has never taken a test, I think it should be mandatory for people of sixty and every five years after that, to take an eye test, and the standard theory and a standard driving test, as we all have to take these day's, you must agree that faculties are not the same as we get older, it comes to us all in the end, but it will give you peace of mind to know that she is safe, and that other road users are safe from her, i'm sorry if this is rude, it isn't meant to be, Minis are great little cars, but are not the safest in any ones hands, if it were my Mother, I'd be asking her to give up driving all together, try telling her how much better off she would be with out that expense, you could drive her and she could enjoy spending the money on other things, I hope this helps you, that's what my intention is, be happy and safe, all the best in your decision, from.

happytiger.

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Create the Right Family Culture and Good Behaviour is Easy

As an avid football supporter I have been intrigued by the recent debacle with a local football team that saw two players suspended by the club until the end of the season.

The two players were involved in a car accident following a drinking bout. They then lied about the nature of their involvement, which severely embarrassed the club, leading to their suspension.

As this is not the first time a player from this team has been in strife, the whole culture that exists within the club is currently being questioned.

Poor behaviour will generally be endemic unless the culture of the group is changed.

The general consensus is that players’ poor off-field behaviour won’t change until the club culture changes. The leadership group needs to work hard to create a culture that encourages the right behaviours.

The same principle applies to families.

When parents focus on promoting the right culture within their family then children’s behaviour will generally fall into line with that culture.

This requires parents to be effective leaders of the family rather than just be competent managers of children’s behaviour.

What type of culture should we be focusing on?

There is no question that the family culture that has the best outcomes for kids is one that promotes the following values:

(1)  Shared responsibility: As a family you share decisions, responsibilities, joys and problems.

(2)  Equality: Parents and children have equal rights to be heard and to influence others.

(3)  Mutual respect: We treat each other fairly and respectfully. This is shown when we listen to each other, don’t use pit downs and take an interest in each other.

(4) Self-discipline: This is about personal responsibility. Parents teach kids respect for order, control their impulses, regulate their behaviour within limits and develop an appreciation for the rights of others.

(5)  Cooperation: Cooperation is a group-oriented notion and is a two-way thing where children consider how their behaviour impacts on others. Cooperation is won not coerced or bought.

The challenge for parents, of course, is that the playing field is not an easy one. You are working with children who wear L plates when it comes to getting on with each other. They are not mini-adults. They are kids!

But this give parents a distinct advantage. In the first seven or eight years of life kids are like sponges soaking up the predominant values and messages from the significant adults in their lives.

So making the most of these opportunity years is the key. The messages kids receive get quite mixed as they move toward adolescence.

The most appropriate parenting style to positively impact on family culture is the authoritative leadership style. This style typically involves three broad aspects:

(1)  Relationship-building and encouragement

(2)  Limit-setting and accountability

(3)  Involving kids in the family enterprise

The third aspect in this list is perhaps the most challenging for most modern parents. Giving kids a voice in the family is a good management principal as kids are more likely to stick to decisions that they have had a say in making.

But how do parents make this happen?

Holding Regular Family Roundtables is the solution. They provide opportunities for families to sit down regularly and give kids input in a structured way.

Family Roundtables are brilliant vehicles for parents to establish strong, vibrant cultures in their families.  They are best held in the Opportunity Years (from ages 4 – 10) and they take some effort but the returns in terms of outcomes for kids; in terms of creating stronger, more harmonious families; and in terms of reducing parental stress are massive.

About the Author

To find out more about Family Round Tables, visit: http://www.parentingideas.com.au/RoundTable.html. Michael Grose is Australia's NO. 1 parenting expert. He is the director of www.parentingideas.com.au, the author of seven books for parents and a popular presenter who speaks to audiences in Australia, Singapore and the USA. Get your FREE Chores and Responsibilities for Kids Guide when you visit http://www.parentingideas.com.au. Get a hold of Michael's sensational new book Why First Borns Rule the World and Last Borns Want to Change It at www.michaelgrose.com. You'll be astounded when you learn about your birth order personality and how the postion in your familoy impacts on your life!